12/22/2011-12/23/2011

I can’t believe it’s already the end of the year. It all went by too fast, it’s funny because that’s what I say pretty much every year… it always goes by too quickly and you feel as if you didn’t have enough time to really do what you wanted or smell the roses. But what can we do about it? Time is time, right?

2011 has turned out to be the biggest rollercoaster ride. There has been so many overwhelming things that occured that it takes a while to take it all in, I guess. Even though 2011 did show me how bad life could be and taught me to be crazily sad, it also has brought a lot of joy to my life. I met some of my closest friends this year. I also grew so much closer to so many people in my life. I had some seriously deep talks about random shit and also deep talks about stuff that really mattered to me. I connected with many people in my world, and I understood where people were coming from.

I made so many new tumblr friends, I can’t even count them. They have all shown me nothing but love and even though I don’t know them in real life, they have all acted just like some of my friends would, and I don’t know how to thank them for that… They really saved me from some horrible stuff.

I learned so much about myself. So.Much. I can’t even describe exactly what but I realized a lot about life and especially how to live it. And definetly how important love was and relationships with those around us. After finding out things about friends that I never would’ve guessed, I learned that you can’t take anything for granted, and you can’t ever label someone a certain way or stereotype, because people will surprise you daily. Everyone has something hidden or different about them whether you find out about it or not.

2011 showed me just how important caring about something could be. Just showing a little compassion, a little understanding can go a long way and change everything. In the words of Coldplay, “If you never try, you never know.” I guess that just goes to show that if you want something, you should try to get it. Even if people laugh at you or think you’re weird or make fun of you, at least you tried. It’s better than just being passive and regretting it later on.

2011 also represented a lot of misunderstanding, tears, and hurting. For various reasons, so much shit happened. Some things I did I regret so much, but I will never be able to change it. And it might have an impact on my life FOREVER. Only time will tell. Maybe this year was rough sailing, but my boat is tougher now and stronger. The crazy waves and storms this year just made everything more real and made me realize that no matter how bad it gets, in the end I think I’ll be okay. Just like how even though I may fight with some people, it’s pretty much all petty and I really do care about them at the end of the day.. I just don’t know how to really express it and of course I’m a teenager so give me a break. Things sometimes just came out different then how I intended them to and I guess that caused a little miscommunication. But that’s all part of life, it’s something you have to experience in order to become a better and more compassionate person.

2012 seems like the strangest number to say. It sounds weird rolling off my tongue, but soon enough I know that it’ll be natural to me, after just a couple of months of getting used to it. It was the same thing for 2011 one year ago. I don’t know what could happen in 2012. It’s a little scary to ponder what could possibly even happen. I don’t want to do it because my mind just explodes when I overthink. Will I fall in love? Find a new best friend? Create something beautiful? Meet someone beautiful? Find happiness? Or peace? Find someone or something that will change my life? The future is one of the greatest mysteries of all, but that’s what makes life so beautiful and worth living.

So, most of all, I’m glad I was alive to see 2011 go by and hope I live to also see 2012 fly past. Life is the most amazing gift and seeing those little things like the sun shining everyday and someone you love smile at you makes me so grateful I have these things. And when I get down on myself or feel especially lonely, I remind myself of everything that I have and how much more I love.